Jan 4, 1994

Well, I've got some catching up to do. I had a fairly good December. Christmas I worked, had another fight with Mark on Christmas Eve. It never fails, whenever we have any special time together, we fight? I don't know anymore how to handle things. I love him very much, it's just too bad I'm not that important to him. One day just kinda blends in to another anymore. I am planning on starting school and I'm hoping it will help things change. I've been so cranky with my kids, they truly must think I'm crazy. I yell at them because I'm mad at myself for acting the way I do. I am soo glad for the day off. I haven't had a chance to be alone for months, and it feels good! I am going to send Sandi something for her birthday Friday. I miss her so much! I'm missing so much of all their lives all because I moved to Twin. Sometimes I hate myself for what I've done. Sometimes I'm so glad for what I have here. Confusion is my new name. All I want is a "real relationship", working for the same things,, to set a goal, even if I have to be by myself.                    me-