Date: 11-24-1993  Today I will start this journal. I've wanted one for the longest time and I finally got one. I want to give it to my daughter Rebecca or maybe no one at all when I get old and decrepit. I am 31 years old at the time of this writing. I've been going back in my mind to my childhood days. I don't feel like I'm any "good" kind of person at all, and I'm just wondering if the way I grew up would be the cause of my "low self-esteem". Mark and I were talking the other day, and the more I come to think of it, I can see how much like my mom I am. How I feel "lost". You know, like I have children, and a home (if you want to call it that) and I don't really know what the heck I am supposed to be doing?! I don't think I'm a bad mom, because I absolutely love my children, and I do only want the best for them. I think I'll set a goal for this journal and part of that is to "explore" parts of my childhood, and fix what I can and try to let go of what I can't change about myself. This may sound corny, but this journal is for me and only me, unless I want to pass it on. So, here goes: I guess I have been feeling really resentful toward my mom for the way we were raised, and I tell you, I never, ever, ever felt this way until recently and that's what bugs me, because this is such a new twist. I'm angry with her. I always wanted someone to love just me, and I guess I resent the way she never hugged us or kissed us goodnight. No one was ever there to tell us to "brush your teeth before bed".