05-30-1994

Dear Diary... Well, today is memorial day. It's been ok so far. I am just sitting here relaxing and thinking about the week to come. What am I going to do with the girls. My heart longs to hug them, and see them and talk to them and tuck them in at night and play with them during the day. Every day more and more, I want to just go home. I want them back, I want everything to just be normal again. I miss them so much! Mark is partying with his stupid friends today. Christina and April went to Carmelitas house and Stephanie stayed the night with her friend. So here I sit, all alone. Yet I feel so expectant inside?Why? I love my girls so much, what can I do to keep everyone happy? I want a separation from Mark. I want him to quit drinking. He won't. That's all I ever think about anymore. That and I have to get out. How can I explain staying with him to my girls? There is no excuse because all the drinking is not worth all the separation in my life and I have to live with that!   me...